Is anyone familiar with Spin classes at Bally’s? It’s an hour long class in which you ride a stationary bike altering your speed and resistance. Typically, you’re in a small room with about 30 other people: 27 hot chicks, two gay guys, and a drill sargeant esque trainer running the class. They turn the regular lights off, turn black lights on, and crank the music full blast. So I went to my first class on Monday…. maybe a little gay, but a good workout and as you read in last weeks column, I desperately need it. So I went online this morning at 11am and saw there was a noon class. Great, I’ve got an hour to kill before the class, since my job interview today was postponed till next Tuesday. . . . . . . So what does Shamos do while online with an hour to kill? . . . . . . So 10 minutes later and after having taken full advantage of myself, I fell asleep for 30 minutes. I woke up with 10 minutes to get to the gym and in a half daze.

I rushed over and got to the class right as it’s about to start. Full class, some hot chick sitting right next to me strikes up a small conversation about how she’s training for a triathalon as the lights are dimmed and the black lights click on.

NOTE: Here’s the funny thing about black lights. For some strange reason, you’re able to see things in black light that you aren’t in regular white light. I never fully understood why that is…..

BOOM. It hit me. I FORGOT TO CHANGE MY SHIRT. Yes, disgusting I know. I realized my error, not because I immediately saw firsthand the large stain on the front of my shirt, that may as well have been a flashing siren with the black lights now reflecting off it. Actually, I realized it because I saw the look on the face of the poor girl I was talking to. Her eyes dropped straight to the area then followed by her mouth which dropped wide open with shock. It was soooooooo obvious. It looked like a sketch of the Great Lakes on the lower stomach portion of my T-Shirt just above the groin. It was just one large perverted Rorschach Ink Blot Test on my chest. Easily one of the longest hours of my life. I was so relieved when they turned the black lights off. The chick sitting next to me bolted for the door 5 minutes before the class was even over. I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if a complaint was filed. I think I leaned my lesson. I should have used a sock like the good old days at 6354 Phillips Avenue…..